How does knowing your Enneagram Type help?

Enneagram Types
Enneagram Types

 

 

Have you ever noticed the number of times someone says “I” or “me” in a conversation? What is it we mean when we say “I”? Who exactly do we refer to? Who do we define our “I”? What identity do we take on? Are we identified with our job or profession – I am a lawyer. Or our image – what I wear, what I do, where I go, whom I’m with, where I hang out, who I take photos with. Our emotions? Our bodies? Our ego? When someone says this is me or this is not me. Think about what part of ourselves we are talking about.

Chances are that a lot of times we operate in the world by reacting. Reacting towards: with desire, with attachment, with liking something and wanting more of it. Reacting away from: with aversion, with fear, with anger or dislike, and with not wanting it. In the study of the Enneagram, we also come to understand how operate when reacting against and reacting towards. We learn to recognise the patterns that we repeat from childhood.

In Enneagram-speak, the twin mechanism of the Basic Fear and Basic Desire in each of us create our personality. The personality is a program we run in order to cope with life when we are separate from our true selves. And in running the program we loose sovereignty over our lives – people and the environment press our buttons and we jump, we keep experiencing the same repeated situations, relationships and emotions. We are trapped on the hamster wheel, the faster we run, the more firmly we stay in place. At some point, particularly at mid-life, we all get this insight, that life is not all we think it is. We are not who we think we are. This is a good place to be, although it can be un-nerving and downright unpleasant.

 

Isn’t this just another personality typing system that puts people in a box?

The Enneagram provides a map of how the personality works, reveals our habitual self and shows the box we are already in. In addition, it shows us the way back to our true selves, our true essence. This last bit is not common knowledge even in the Enneagram world, but it is the part that makes the most sense.

 

So how does it work?

Step 1: Learn about the Enneagram Types and where on the 9 levels of your type you are at now. Learn about the Enneagram Types of the people in your life and how your relationships with them are like.

Step 2: Learn about the Essential nature of each Type

Step 3: Learn how to get in touch with that essential nature. There’s nothing to achieve, just stuff to release.

 

How do I start?

Click the Enneagram icon below to take the free Enneagram test

 

So I know my Type, now what?

Review the detailed descriptions at The Enneagram Institute.

 

This is all very interesting but so complex, now what?

Join our mailing list to be kept abreast of our Enneagram classes or contact Siewfan Wong for an Enneagram coaching session.

Heads up: We will have 2 introduction to the Enneagram classes, followed by the Enneagram and Transformation class in May 2013 taught by Tim McLean, from the Enneagram Institute.

 

Resources for Dealing with Grief and Loss

 

Other Articles: Helping Friends Through Grief, Tapping to Cope with the  Loss of a loved one , Tappin for Grief

Useful Websites:

And if you find that you or someone you love needs someone to talk to, please call us. We have a number of practitioners who may be able to help.

NLP in Action: Feedback vs Failure

The way you give meaning to an experience will determine the way you respond in the future.

In the process of moving towards your outcome you will invariably experience results that are not moving you towards what you expect. When you experienced this result and begin to label it as failure then your next response will likely to be negative towards your outcome. It will literally stop you on your tracks!

On the hand, you can also label the experience as feedback. The results let you know you are not doing something right. It is a feedback for you to change the way you are doing it.

Jane is an entrepreneur. Lately, she has been feeling demoralized because her business is not doing well. On top of it she feels she is losing interest in it. When coached on the business challenges she begins to share her failures. She mentioned that she is losing customers to her competitors despite the excellent service she has been known for and gotten results in the past. She does not know what to do. These negative experiences have taken away the sparkle that she had when the business was doing well.

To help Jane, I got her to firstly hold the frame that there is “No Failure, Only Feedback”. With this frame in her mind she starts to look at possibilities of building her business. The exercise gave her some very good ideas to work on. More importantly, this frame provided her with hope and positive feelings.

Wanna feel wonderful?

Choose the way you want to feel.

If you were to ask ten people what they want in life you are likely to get answers like happiness and peace. These are higher goals that most people aspire to have. Obviously, there are spiritual goals too. Let’s bring our attention to happiness and peace. These are examples of feeling good. If you were to think of a situation in which you feel happy you will likely cast your thoughts to sometime in the past that you felt happy. You will remember where and when and perhaps with whom you were with. As you begin to immerse yourself into this memory you will regain the happy feeling you had then, now. In essence you are able to feel this happy feeling anytime you want.

To illustrate this point further, imagine you are attending a wedding dinner. With a camera in your hand you decided to take some pictures. You scanned around. You proceeded to snap away. A few days later you fished out your camera from your bag and thumbed through those shots. Each shots reminded you a specific moment in time during the party. Some shots brings back moment of joy and laughter. Some shots bring back memories that go way back and connect to some nostalgia and etc. The effects of thumbing through those photos evoke a range of emotions.  Think for a moment. If you have not thumbed through those photos you will unlikely have experienced those emotions during and after seeing it. With this awareness, you have some control on what you choose to feel anytime you want. It underscores the point that the mind and body are connected. What you think can produce feelings. What you choose to think will produce the feeling that you want.

Would you like to feel wonderful, now? You can. Here is how.

How to Feel Wonderful

You do not need to have a reason to feel wonderful. You can feel wonderful any time you want. This is how you do it:

Steps:

  1. Think of a situation in which you felt wonderful in the past.
  2. Notice the surrounding, the people (if any), the sound and the feeling.
  3. If you see yourself in the picture, float into it and be in the picture. See what you see, hear what you hear and feel what you feel.
  4. Notice the location of this wonderful feeling in your body.
  5. Touch the sensation with your hand and notice which direction it is moving.
  6. Whichever direction it is moving, spin it faster.

By spinning it faster you get a more intense feeling of wonderful. Think about feeling gorgeous. You can have this feeling anytime you want. You don’t have to wait until you are dressed up for it.

Enjoy!

Simon Wong

Helping Friends through Grief

Angel of Grief, Sculpture by William Wetmore Story

In a word, don’t.

And I say that because unless you know what you are doing, you might cause more grief and hurt. Most of us get anxious around people who grieve because we are scared of loss ourselves, even if  we are not conscious of it. Most of us don’t know how to behave around loss and grief, even if we have experienced some personal loss of our own.

If you really want to help, just be Present for them. People have their own grieving processes. Everyone is different. If need be, you tap for your own anxiety and helplessness around loss and grief.

Some of the LEAST  helpful things to say when some one has lost a loved one:

Don’t worry, you’ll get over it, you’ll be all right.
It’s meant to happen.
Now you are the man of the house.
He has gone to heaven.
I know how you feel.
Don’t cry, it’s all right.
What did you do to make that happen…. why didn’t you….
Change yourself to change others….

If you have to say something, here’s a suggestion from someone who had recently lost a loved one.

“I dont know what to do or say but I’m here for you. I’m here to support you in the way that you need me to. I don’t have the answers and may be I’m scared that I will say/do the wrong thing, so may be I may seem uncomfortable. But I’m here for you.”

If you have some experience with personal tragedy, and have suggestions for people who want to “help”, please feel free to comment – what was most helpful? what was least helpful? how did you want to be supported?

Resources for Dealing with Grief and Loss

In memory of Daniel Herrmann.