Resources for Dealing with Grief and Loss

 

Other Articles: Helping Friends Through Grief, Tapping to Cope with the  Loss of a loved one , Tappin for Grief

Useful Websites:

And if you find that you or someone you love needs someone to talk to, please call us. We have a number of practitioners who may be able to help.

Spiritual Tapping Enneagram Type Seven

This sequence is for Enneagram Type Sevens who want to do deeper work on integrating their personality. Please tap daily for about 7 days, either morning or evening, making sure that in each day, you find some quiet time for yourself to do this. Leave it alone for 7 days, then look at these statements again. You may have some new insights or memories relevant to the development of your Enneagram Type. You can tap on these or ask me if you need help.

If you are new to the Enneagram, EFT and tapping, please first refer to these sections:

EFT Basics

Tapping for Enneagram Types

——————————————

1. Please start the tapping with the point under your left shoulder (Reset Button,  “ouch” point), do 3 rounds of the following statements.:
“I am happiest when I am grounded in the knowledge that I can bring my  joy and freedom to others,  when I show  people that they can achieve their dream, while cheering people up,  sending the light of my joy into the world.  I am happy when I am in touch with the discriminating wisdom that knows what to spend time and resources on, and I go seemlessly from one thing to the next, when I am full of joy and humour, and at the same time be in touch with great depths.

I enjoy being fully engaged and grounded, living life as an adventure and being TRULY PRESENT.

But there are times I am not TRULY PRESENT, and I just need to be happy and satisfied, to have a wide variety of experiences, to keep my options open, to enjoy life and experience excitement, to escape anxiety. I want to do those things that will ensure that I have what I need to be happy, to be OK, to be safe…..

I am afraid of not having my needs met, and of losing my freedom, being unhappy

I have a basic desire to be happy, to be free and content …..`

And maybe deep down, I have a basic fear of being trapped in deprivation and despair, of being in pain ….

I want to escape into my computer games, my books, my music, my Tuesday night out…

I am scared of my emotional upheaval,  my emotional upheaval is  my ego experiencing itself in my personality. BUT I am more than my ego, I am more than my personality, I am more than my emotions, I am more than my thoughts. I am life beyond boundaries. I deeply and completely love and accept myself, I forgive myself, and anyone else who contributed to this situation.”

2.Now just do normal tapping, also 3 rounds:

These are the statements that reflect the emotions, and you can change or add as you feel. Just don’t do too many at one time or you might feel overwhelmed:

“I easily pick up new skills, new hobbies, new obsessions, but then I loose interest and don’t follow through

I can’t decide, I like having all the options, I don’t want to miss out.

I am the instant expert, I can shoot from the hip anytime, why can’t people keep up?

I feel trapped if I stay with something or someone for a period of time. I need to escape, break free.

I am living in anticipation of the next thing, the next experience, so much so that I miss the present moment, and miss the current thing that I am experiencing. And then I just want more of a good thing, more is better.

Sometimes I use excitement as a substitute for being happy and satisfied. I hate being bored.

Sometimes I feel like I will never get what I need, I’m starving and grasping all the time. I need more; more quantity, more variety, more experiences.

Sometimes I am feel like I’m trying to outrun my pain and anxiety. I’m trying my best to stay “up”

I hate being told what to do, being controlled/stifled, having no freedom.

I am impatient that this (healing ) process is taking so long. It should have been done by now. I have had enough of pain and anxiety, I am fed up with going there – get over it already!

I am impatient with others who are in pain, I don’t want these depressed people to remind me of my own pain – get over it already!

I make others feel what I fear most, being deprived and trapped in emotional pain.

I want to avoid pain, anxiety and unhappiness at all cost. I am not equipped to deal with depression.

I am tired of feeling this way. I am struggling with a cocktail of emotions that is not really helping me. I am reacting all the time with attachment and aversion. I have no control, no stillness.

“I now choose to that I have a choice to give up the FRUSTRATION of  NOT HAVING,  NOT BEING NURTURED, to give up DEPRIVATION, and PAIN, to be open to GRATITUDE for what I have, to experience my essential quality: that inner JOY and the expansive FREEDOM within. What would I be without that thought that I need more, that I am insatiable, that there isn’t enough for me? What if I was free to feel good about who I am and where I am now?

I now choose to know that working on myself, and ensuring that I am the best that I can be means that I can be FULLY here. Being FULLY PRESENT means that I can be open to the unfolding of the real ADVENTURE of life. I choose to be GRATEFUL for the gift of the PRESENT MOMENT, rather than regretting the past or fearing the future. Maybe what I have now is enough. Maybe there’s nowhere else I need to be, and I’m not missing out on something else that’s more worthwhile. I AM BEING TAKEN CARE OF. I appreciate myself for getting the help I need, and doing the work so that I can be at the highest expression of who I am.”

3. Now do 3 rounds of this affirmations to get in touch with your true nature:

“I now choose to release the conviction that I require specific objects and experiences in order to feel fulfilled.
I choose to be involved with things in depth, and shift my focus of attention from myself to the world. I choose to see that the world exists for purposes other than my own gratification, but that I am being taken care of. I now choose to be in touch with

my sense of abundance
my generosity
joy, inner delight
childlike innocence
spontaneity, free-spiritedness
sense of boundlessness, expansive freedom
contentment, sobriety
gratitude

I choose to know that I am being nourished by the VAST BOUNDLESSNESS of my own nature, and taught by this adventure we call life.,
As I witness the unfolding of creation itself, great JOY and AWE arise. I find PEACE in the deep HUSH and restful STILLNESS within. I rejoice in the SPONTANEITY of BEING, and being in touch with this PRESENT MOMENT, the immediacy of constant creation. I choose to be open to my natural state of SOBRIETY, a quality like the CLARITY and FRESHNESS of newly fallen snow.

I choose to appreciate myself for being in touch with the WONDERMENT and mystery of life. I respect myself for the journey that I am going through, and know that I am never separate from the JOY and EXPANSIVENESS of life
I choose to know that I am HAPPY and CONTENT, FULFILLED and FREE.
I choose to CELEBRATE this JOYOUS unfolding of reality, and be FULLY PRESENT to the GRATITUDE, JOY, and SOBRIETY within.”

Adapted from the work of Tim McClean, Don Riso and Russ Hudson of the Enneagram Institute

Spiritual Tapping Enneagram Type Two

Hearts Ablaze by Stacy Lynn Baum

This sequence is for Enneagram Type Twos who want to do deeper work on their personality issues. It’s been an especially tough one for me to write, maybe because as a Four, Two is my shadow & “missing piece”. I’m still not happy with it, but I reckon that those who are Twos can edit at will, and in fact I would be happy to hear from you, and add your statements to this so that others can benefit. Please tap daily for about 7 days, either morning or evening, making sure that in each day, you find some quiet time for yourself to do this. Leave it alone for 7 days, then look at these statements again. You may have some new insights or memories relevant to the development of your Enneagram Type. You can tap on these or ask me if you need help. If you are new to the Enneagram, EFT and tapping, please first refer to these sections: EFT Basics Tapping for Enneagram Types——————————————

1. Please start the tapping with the point under your left shoulder (Reset Button), do 3 rounds of the following statements.: “I am a caring soul, a loving person; it’s hard for me to recognise that I  have a basic fear of having no love in my life, of being unloved and unlovable, of finding no love in the world. I have a basic desire to FEEL love, to be at one with love, to be a source of love in the world, to make sure that there is love in the world. I live life in search of closeness, and maybe approval. Sometimes I feel the need to be loved, to express my feelings for others, to be needed and appreciated, to get others to respond to me, to vindicate my claims about myself. Sometimes I’d rather not admit, even to myself that I have needs. I’d be ashamed to have needs, other people can have needs, but not me. I am the one who’s suppose to give love, not receive it. I am afraid that my own needs and negative feelings will harm my relationships. I’d rather just stuff it, and feel resentful that my needs are not important. All my emotional upheaval, my longing, and upwelling is just my ego experiencing itself in my personality. BUT I am more than my ego, I am more than my personality, I am more than my emotions, I am more than my thoughts. I am life beyond boundaries. I deeply and completely love and accept myself, I forgive myself, and anyone else who contributed to this situation. In my heart of hearts, I know my essential nature, when I have intimacy with the truth of who I am. When I’m in touch with the depth of my being I experience only sweetness, innocence and love. Where there is sweetness, there is innocence, and I am bathing in the love of reality’s sweet embrace.”

2. Now just do normal tapping, also 3 rounds: These are the statements that reflect the emotions, and you can change or add as you feel. Just don’t do too many at one time or you might feel overwhelmed:

Sometimes I give love to get love and approval, or I pretend to give love to get love and approval Sometimes I feel like I have no needs, others have needs, but not me, I only give. Sometimes I struggle to get close to others but still feel unloved. Sometimes I need to be loved unconditionally by others and feel their love. Sometimes I need others to toally appreciate my affection and sacrifices. Sometimes I try to ‘well-meaning’ and make myself indispensable. Sometimes I wreck my own health by sacrificing myself for others. Sometimes I fear that the people I love will love someone else more than me. Sometimes I fear that I am taken for granted and not appreciated enough. Sometimes my value depends on someone loving me. sometimes I manipulate others with my love and deceive myself about my motivations. I have alienated the ones I love by being sanctimonious and high-handed. I have reacted in rage and belligerence, and hurt the very people I claim to love. I feel like I am driving people away. “I’ve been reaching outwards all the time, not in touch with the turmoil within. I’m looking for love and approval outside of myself. I’m ruining the relationships I have by not seeing that I have issues. I’ve disregarded the love that I have for the love that I thought I OUGHT to FEEL. I’ve thought “you’ve changed, you don’t love me the way you used to. You don’t appreciate the sacrifices I’ve made for you.” I’ve sulked and pouted and acted up like a petulant child, still identify myself as one who’s loving, empathetic and sincere. I now choose to acknowledge that I sometimes do not admit that I have needs and problems like other people. I am ashamed to admit I have needs. May be if I had needs, I would be unlovable. I choose to be in touch with my PRIDE and SHAME, and to experience that at the root of that are wounded children who need to be embraced. I now choose to recognise my true feelings about myself and about others, and to notice when I am projecting on others. My essential nature is LOVE and SWEETNESS. My true virtue is HUMILITY, because I am open to putting myself out there and saying that I have needs, I accept that I have needs. I now choose to allow my inner children to express themselves, the ones that I have pushed into the back because I didn’t want to feel hurt and unloved. I choose to embrace them so they can heal. And maybe I could let some one else help me to. May be this person is already showing me their love in their own way. I now choose to get in touch with my negative feelings, my shadow side, especially my aggression, anger, hatred, hurt, and SHAME. I become aware of myself as I really am – LIGHT and SHADOW. I deeply and completely, unconditionally and profoundly accept myself, ALL OF MYSELF. I choose to nurture myself and others, to be good to myself, and have goodwill for others. I now choose to know that working on myself, and ensuring that I am the best that I can be means that I can be FULLY here. I’ve been running on an empty tank for a long time. Now it’s time to put petrol in the car, so that I can be FULLY PRESENT to my life, available for my family. I appreciate myself for getting the help I need, and doing the work so that I can be at the highest expression of who I am.”

3. Now do 3 rounds of this affirmations to get in touch with your true nature:

“I now choose to release the conviction that there is anything I can do to earn, create or get love, I can only to open to love… Love Is. Unconditional Love. I choose to be in touch with sweetness, love…. compassion… sincerity…. intuition…. lightness…. humility…. blissful solitude…. stillness…. joy…. I choose to experience the STILLNESS, SWEETNESS and HUMILITY within.”

Adapted from the work of Don Riso and Russ Hudson of the Enneagram Institute

Journey to the Dark Side

Dark Side of the Moon

We all have an identities we like to project. We become what we identify with – the “I am” – “I am responsible”, “I am kind”, I am ethical”, I am smart”, “I am successful”……. Then we have all that we reject – the “I-am-nots”. And the “I-am-nots” get pushed into the shadow. There they furtively exist, rejected, unacknowledged, denied, unlived.

Sometimes they slip out and add mystery to our ordered lives. The wise, from time to time, allow their dark side to show: the straight-lace accountant who has a weekend gig in a heavy metal band, the suburban housewife riding with a motor-cycle gang. For the most part the really bad stuff get pushed into the dark: festering, rejected, ashamed, furtive, craving, indecent – all that unconscious jealousy, greed, guilt, shame, anger, fear, defeat, hopeless despair……. There they influence our lives in unfathomable ways. Do you have impulses which are “not you”? Are there days where an uncontrollable anger takes you? Do you react in unsavory ways when under pressure? Do you have a secret life that you are hiding? Compulsive behavior and addiction? Mid-life transition, or mid-life crisis? You may have to journey to the dark side and do a little integration work.

Either we are in touch or we aren’t, but we all have dark sides. The dark side is a scary place when we are standing in the light. Our eyes play tricks on us and we fill up with fear. When we journey to our dark sides, they become illuminated. If we go arrive there without judgement, without fear and without presumptions, instead of an inner-demon, we notice a wounded child. When we heal our wounded children, we are suddenly less fettered to our identity, our personality, our ego.

Suddenly we become less bound by our habitual “I-am”, because we discover that I am many things in different contexts at the same time. “I-am-not” is part of “I-am”. In the end, perhaps, “I-just-am”. But if we don’t also know the dark, we will never really relax to the light.

P.S. Also see The Hero’s Journey: Descending into the Underworld.

Spiritual Tapping: Enneagram Type One

Sacredness Within

This sequence is for Enneagram Type Ones who want to do deeper work on overcoming their personality issues. Please tap daily for about 7 days, either morning or evening, making sure that in each day, you find some quiet time for yourself to do this. Leave it alone for 7 days, then look at these statements again. You may have some new insights or memories relevant to the development of your Enneagram Type. You can tap on these or ask me if you need help.

If you are new to the Enneagram, EFT and tapping, please first refer to these sections:

EFT Basics

Tapping for Enneagram Types

——————————————

1. Please start the tapping with the point under your left shoulder (Reset Button), do 3 rounds of the following statements.:
“I have a basic fear of of being condemned, corrupt, bad, imbalanced, unredeemable, chaotic, defective, I hate mistakes.
I have a basic desire to align with the “Good”, “Sacred”, to be virtuous, balanced, to have integrity.
I am so afraid that my subjective feelings and impulses will  lead me astray, impair my reason, tarnish my integrity.
I need to be right, to strive higher, to improve others, to be consistent with my ideals, to be beyond reproach, to be perfect, to be beyond the criticism and condemnation of others.
But in my heart of hearts, I know that my essential nature is Goodness, Sacredness.
This is just my ego experiencing itself in my personality. BUT I am more than my ego, I am more than my personality, I am more than my emotions, I am more than my thoughts. I am life beyond boundaries. I deeply and completely love and accept myself, I forgive myself, and anyone else who contributed to this situation.”

2. Now just do normal tapping, also 3 rounds:

These are the statements that reflect the emotions, and you can change or add as you feel. Just don’t do too many at one time or you might feel overwhelmed:

“I feel guilty all the time. I feel like nurturing myself is wrong. I feel guilty about taking time out for myself. Cooking healthy food for myself is a waste of time. Enjoying myself in anyway is wrong. And I resent those who can do it.
Not having a job, and living off someone else’s money is wrong, I feel guilty, I am a bad person
I feel ashamed, not good enough, I need to be perfect – I’m my own worst critic
I feel the fear of death, I have a death wish, I am ashamed of myself.
I feel bitter, grim, parched, resentful
I am tired of feeling this way. I am struggling with a cocktail of emotions that is not really helping me. I am reacting all the time with attachment and aversion, I’m tired of all this. I have no control. The problem is NOT what is happening to me, it’s what I’m THINKING about what’s happening to me, and what I am FEELING about what is happening to me.”

“I now choose to focus on the solution rather than the problem, and to change from being JUDGEMENTAL and OBSESSIVE, to experience my essential quality: the quiet SERENITY within. What would I be without that thought that I was bad, wrong, condemnable? What if I was free to feel good about who I am and where I am now?

I now choose to know that working on myself, and ensuring that I am the best that I can be means that I can be FULLY here. I’ve been running on an empty tank for a long time. Now it’s time to put petrol in the car, so that I can be FULLY PRESENT to my life, available for my family. I appreciate myself for getting the help I need, and doing the work so that I can be at the highest expression of who I am.”

3. Now do 3 rounds of this affirmations to get in touch with your true nature:

“I now choose to release the conviction that I am in a position to judge anything or anyone objectively, including myself.
I choose to be in touch with
my discerning mind, my inner wisdom
my generosity of spirit
my mindfulness, groundedness
I choose to be in touch with GOODNESS, SACREDNESS (outside and inside of myself),
I choose to appreciate myself for being in touch with the goodness of life. I respect myself for the journey that I am going through, and know that I am never separate from the PERFECTION of life
I choose to know that I am noble and pure, wise and kind, life-affirming and all-embracing
I choose to experience the STILLNESS, CALM and SERENITY within.”

Adapted from the work of Don Riso and Russ Hudson of the Enneagram Institute