Tapping to cope with Loss of a Loved One

If you are new to EFT and tapping please check the section on EFT Basics for the basic tapping technique.

This is for dealing with the emotional soup of dealing with the loss of a loved one. Please do each section 3 times before moving on to the next one, so that you are gentle with yourself.

“I want to heal and get over this loss, but I feel guilty. I feel empty, abandoned and alone, and I want to get over this, but I don’t. I want to move on, but I don’t. I want to be happy again, but I don’t. I want to put down this emotional soup and get over this, but I don’t. I want to be able to function in the world, but I don’t. I deeply and completely accept my conflict, I profoundly and unconditionally love myself, accept myself, forgive myself, and anybody else, maybe, for contributing to this.

I miss him, and by missing him I feel like he’s still there with me, I don’t want to forget his face, his voice, his love. I want to hold on to my memories, my pain, my grief, my loss. I feel angry and betrayed, and I can’t understand why he was taken from me. But maybe there’s a different way to remember him. But maybe it’s possible to remember him (at some point) only with love, only with gratitude that we had this time together, that he has given me so much strength. May be at some point I will remember him only with a smile, with warmth. Maybe at some point, remembering him will give me only strength and affirm that life is good.

I now choose to take steps towards embracing my pain, my hurt, my loss. I choose to acknowledge my despair and loneliness. I deeply and completely love myself, accept myself, and I forgive myself, I forgive him, and I forgive anyone else, who contributed to my hurt. Even though I keep looking to others to make me feel better, I feel needy and seek others to lean on, I choose to accept myself.

Even though I feel like a victim, powerless and helpless, feel like I will never get out of this pit of loneliness and despair, nor see any light of peace or happiness. I embrace all my emotions, I honour my emotions, I deeply and completely love and accept myself, and my emotions and forgive myself,  I choose to learn to be friends with my emotions, to listen to them, to learn from them and to calm them. Even though I feel very desperate now and I am at a loss for what to do next,  I choose to know that I am the master of my own life, even when it doesn’t feel like it, I am the author of my own destiny, just as I have allowed bad things to happen, I now choose to manifest good things in my life. I choose for love and light to enter and light up my life. I choose to find a reason feel grateful every day, even when it all seems dark and hopeless. … I choose freedom… I choose peace, courage, joy, love, calm, ease, centeredness, stillness, strength.”


Tapping for Grief (Loss, Fear, Helplessness…)

More on dealing with the loss of a loved one. If you are new to EFT and tapping please check the section on EFT Basics for the basic tapping technique.

I feel so lost and alone, and I am beating myself up for my lack of control. I don’t know how to do “helpless”, I hate when I melt down in front of people at the drop of a hat, I hate that I don’t have any control over my tears, my emotions, it’s not ok for me to be not ok, I have things that need to be done, and people I need to take care of, but I deeply and completely accept myself anyway.

I am at a loss, so many things frazzle me, I feel scared, I can’t cope, I feel overwhelmed, I hate being like this, I don’t know how to do helpless. I feel bad about being sad around my friends. But I forgive myself, and anyone else for contributing to this situation. Even though I was forced to confront my mortality, and the fragility of human life, and I am really shaken, I now choose to find my center again.

Even though I am beating myself up, because it’s not ok to be not ok, that’s ok. I acknowledge that I suffered the biggest loss in my life. My whole world just turned upside down. It’s ok to be not ok. Even though I really want to get over this, and move on, a part of me doesn’t. A part of me thinks that holding on to my grief and suffering, I am holding on to him. A part of me is beating the other part up for wanting to be able to cope. I acknowledge that I may have some conflicted feelings about this. And I deeply and completely love and accept myself, my complex acknowledged and unacknowledged feelings, I forgive myself, and anyone else who may or may not have contributed to this situation.

Even though I still feel anxious, frightened, brokenhearted, bereaved, dread, off-balanced…. I deeply and completely love and accept myself, I forgive myself, and anyone else who contributed to this situation. I now choose to be calm and confident. I now choose to be still and peaceful. I now choose stability, strength,. I now choose to be grounded, centered. I now choose to nurture myself and honour my emotions, and allow myself this time to grief, to reminisce, and then to heal.

Healing the Wounded Children – Integration

When we suffer as children, sometimes we don’t know how to handle the situation. As a result, the child pushes away the emotion and sometimes even the memory of the event. We disown parts of ourselves that we don’t know what to do with. These unconscious parts of our influence us in ways that we are not aware of. We end up behaving in ways which are not congruent with our conscious mind. Many times it exhibits as self sabotage behavior or repeated patterns.

We normally do not know that there is this particular wounded child to be integrated. One way to tell is to examine the negative events in childhood that appear in your mind most. Sometimes it is completely under your radar, and it takes a skilled practitioner to uncover these issues. Integration may also be used for archetype and shadow work.

To resolve these issues, first we address the triggering event in the normal way. Then we do a parts integration as follows.

Visualize your little child-self, the wounded child who suffered (in your event) in your left hand, the adult self in your right hand.

The adult says to the child:
“I see you. I’m sorry you were all alone holding all my pain (or anxiety, loneliness etc.) all these years.
Because you were holding my pain, I could be sane and whole, I could function in the world.
So I thank you and honour you. Now there’s no need to be all alone, Please come back into the family of selves.
From now on, I will take care of you, love, cherish and protect you. I will keep you safe and help you thrive in the world.
I welcome you back into my family of selves.”

If the child seems receptive, put your left hand into your right hand. Keep your hands together for 5 to 10 seconds. Then hug your upper arms, as if you are hugging your child. Listen to the child and hold her until she feels ‘done’.

Resistance
If the child isn’t receptive, give her a little time, sometimes that’s all she needs. If she’s angry with you, or doesn’t trust you, “why should I believe you now, where were you all these years?”, then as the adult you say:
“I understand how you feel. I would feel like that too if I were you. I’m really sorry. I didn’t even know you were there. But now that I do, I want to make it up to you, please come home, you are an important part of me. Let me take care of you. You don’t have to be all alone anymore, please come home”
Continue in this trend and keep giving her adequate time to decide on her own to come back.

When she feels ready. Put your left hand into your right hand, say:
“I welcome you back to my family of selves. Thank you for coming back.”
Keep your hands together for 5 to 10 seconds. Then hug your upper arms, as if you are hugging your child. Listen to the child and hold her until she feels ‘done’.

Testimonial: EFT and Breastfeeding

Sharon came in with an anxiety about being pregnant when she had chronic health issues. She also had a background mother issue and was visibly distressed about not having support for the natural way she wanted to heal and live, and to raise her new born baby. We used EFT and the Enneagram framework, with some energy work as needed.

“Initially I went to Siew Fan when I was two months pregnant to deal with my anxiety problem. After my delivery, I continue to see her to deal with unresolved parental issue, fear and I am really surprised that she can even help me with breastfeeding.

Each session lasts between ½ to 2 hours and it takes about 8 sessions over a year for my case.

She uses Emotional Freedom technique and she just has the perfect sentences for my tapping.  She understands me without much talking on my part.

As a first time mom, I was really stress out about breastfeeding.  Now I am more relaxed, feel confident, not over-sensitive and able to think positively in response to all the negative comments made by others about breastfeeding and other issues.

The EFT technique and energy healing has immediate effect and is very effective.  I always feel better after each session.

I highly recommend Siew Fan to anyone who wants to get better.”

Sharon, First Time Mom

Reframing Anger and Hate

Hate, anger, ill-will, vindictiveness in all their guises are energies that eat us up and lower our vibrations. For the most part, these emotions do not serve us. But it’s pointless to tell some one, “don’t be angry, let it go”. The question is how. This is where tapping comes in. As usual score first for the intensity of your emotions, tap and reassess. Tap until emotions are 0 or near 0. Hate is hard to let go of, so expect that you’ll have lots of resistance. You’ll have to use the reframing technique. If you simply can’t get emotions down to 0, say it stops at 0.5, do the 9 gamut technique.

“I hate him. I wish him ill. I want to see him suffer, I want to see him dead… (state what you feel)…. I deeply and completely love and accept myself anyway, and I forgive myself.

Even though a part of me wants him out of my system, the rest of me does not want to let go. He deserves my hate, my anger, my ill-will. He deserves many things, but he sure as hell does not deserve forgiveness. (acknowledge your resistance)

But holding on to this energy is hurting only me. The negativity is being stored in my body-mind. It’s not hurting him or affecting him negatively in any way. In a way may be my negativity is helping him reach his goals of tormenting me. May be it’s time to consider a different strategy (suggest an alternative).

May be it is not about what he deserves or doesn’t deserve. May be it’s about me having freedom and release from this. While I am not ready to forgive him, I’m ready to have my freedom, sovereignty and power back. I want to be released from this situation (hell). I want and I deserve freedom from this.

Forgiveness here is not about condoning the past. It’s about choosing not to allow the past to dictate my future. It’s about my own future, and the future of my loved ones (reframing). I now choose to release all negative energies, all negative emotions I have around this situation, so that we can have the life we deserve and that we desire. To live happily and healthily in the world, without recourse to him is our best revenge. I choose to release him from my energy system. I choose freedom from this situation. I choose peace. I choose to be at ease and comfortable in my own skin.”