Resources for Dealing with Grief and Loss

 

Other Articles: Helping Friends Through Grief, Tapping to Cope with the  Loss of a loved one , Tappin for Grief

Useful Websites:

And if you find that you or someone you love needs someone to talk to, please call us. We have a number of practitioners who may be able to help.

True Forgiveness is Freedom

Healing Tears

This was written for a client who needed help in achieving a true and lasting forgiveness  (as oppose to temporary suppression with the distinct certainty of lashing out on reflex). This can be used generally for when you find it hard to forgive and let go, and you care enough to want to.

If you are new to EFT and tapping please check the section on EFT Basics for the basic tapping technique. Please also include the karate chop point or the psychological reversal point as part of your routine. You may also want to repeat each paragraph once or twice  until you feel the intensity subside before moving on to the next one. Take it slow and let it work. Some of this is meant to be provocative, some of it is meant to inject humour in a tense situation. It may not work for everyone, please amend according to your own needs and nature. Good luck.

“I have so many conflicted thoughts about this issue. I don’t understand how  he/she could do this to me…… Parts of me want to forgive and move on, other parts of me want to bash his brains in and gorge his eyes out, may be swipe him with a tiger’s claw (well, you get the picture, use your own words)….. I acknowledge the hurt, anger, betrayal, hate, helplessness, bereavement, insecurity, alienation (add emotions that you feel) inside, there isn’t anyone I could tell this to, I am all alone. I embrace all the parts of me who are hurting, fearful and angry. I acknowledge that you all have a right to be here, and that the emotions you feel are valid. I embrace you, and thank you for carrying all my pain.

Parts of me feel justified in holding on to my anger, because my anger protects me, because I am entitled to my anger, because he deserves my anger. My anger gives me a high, letting go of my anger may mean that I only feel grief and fear, I don’t want to let my anger go. I am may be even enjoying my anger. I enjoy holding this over his/her head. I like the idea that I can swipe at him/her and take revenge whenever he/she least expects me. I have a right to swipe, and I like that. I thank my anger for wanting to protect me.

I acknowledge that there are all these conflicted emotions and thoughts within me, and it’s ok to be not ok. But there are other parts of me who want to be ready to move on, and leave the past in the past, parts of me who want to experience real forgiveness, so that the past does not taint my future, so that I can live anger-free / fear-free / grief-free / pain-free from this event, may be sometime today, may be sometime tomorrow. I ask my subconscious mind to find a few other ways for me to express my positive intention behind my anger/fear/grief/pain, so that I can be free of my anger/fear/grief/pain, and so that I can forgive and have true freedom to live my life without reference to this event/person.

I was hurt, but i now choose to heal my wounded children within, I now choose to be at the highest expression of who I am. I choose to be calm, confident, free and strong. I choose to be happy. I choose to be still. I choose peace.

I choose to truely forgive and release, because I choose freedom from this. True forgiveness is freedom.”

Reframing Anger and Hate

Hate, anger, ill-will, vindictiveness in all their guises are energies that eat us up and lower our vibrations. For the most part, these emotions do not serve us. But it’s pointless to tell some one, “don’t be angry, let it go”. The question is how. This is where tapping comes in. As usual score first for the intensity of your emotions, tap and reassess. Tap until emotions are 0 or near 0. Hate is hard to let go of, so expect that you’ll have lots of resistance. You’ll have to use the reframing technique. If you simply can’t get emotions down to 0, say it stops at 0.5, do the 9 gamut technique.

“I hate him. I wish him ill. I want to see him suffer, I want to see him dead… (state what you feel)…. I deeply and completely love and accept myself anyway, and I forgive myself.

Even though a part of me wants him out of my system, the rest of me does not want to let go. He deserves my hate, my anger, my ill-will. He deserves many things, but he sure as hell does not deserve forgiveness. (acknowledge your resistance)

But holding on to this energy is hurting only me. The negativity is being stored in my body-mind. It’s not hurting him or affecting him negatively in any way. In a way may be my negativity is helping him reach his goals of tormenting me. May be it’s time to consider a different strategy (suggest an alternative).

May be it is not about what he deserves or doesn’t deserve. May be it’s about me having freedom and release from this. While I am not ready to forgive him, I’m ready to have my freedom, sovereignty and power back. I want to be released from this situation (hell). I want and I deserve freedom from this.

Forgiveness here is not about condoning the past. It’s about choosing not to allow the past to dictate my future. It’s about my own future, and the future of my loved ones (reframing). I now choose to release all negative energies, all negative emotions I have around this situation, so that we can have the life we deserve and that we desire. To live happily and healthily in the world, without recourse to him is our best revenge. I choose to release him from my energy system. I choose freedom from this situation. I choose peace. I choose to be at ease and comfortable in my own skin.”