Resources for Dealing with Grief and Loss

 

Other Articles: Helping Friends Through Grief, Tapping to Cope with the  Loss of a loved one , Tappin for Grief

Useful Websites:

And if you find that you or someone you love needs someone to talk to, please call us. We have a number of practitioners who may be able to help.

EFT Tapping for Feeling Overwhelmed

Overwhelmed

Written for a client who did not feel like he had the right to feel so bad.  Generally someone who feels like this would need some help. This is NOT for EFT beginners. And this is NOT for people with self-destructive tendencies. Please use with caution.

“I find it hard to explain it to people, and to myself. The world overwhelms me. I want to run away. I want to die. I am terrified of living, yet I am terrified of dying. I am in a state of depression, feeling like pond scum lying at the bottom of the pond. I am nothing. I am conquered, defeated, vanquished. Shame. Humiliation. Degradation. Debasement. Defilement. And I don’t even know why I should feel this way. My life isn’t bad.

I wish I could get off this merry go round, but I feel powerless, trapped.

I wish I could lie down and die, or crawl into a hole and die. I want out of this life.

It’s too much. I feel overwhelmed. I can’t face another day.

Even though there are parts of me who feel overwhelmed and wish to bail out, there are other parts of me who are observing this. Those observer parts of me are not overwhelmed, and are willing to help the rest of me understand and enjoy peace and serenity. There might be reasons that I may or may not understand for this feeling of overwhelm. I may or may not be in touch with those parts of me who are feeling overwhelmed, but I deeply and completely love and accept myself. I forgive myself, and anyone else who might have contributed to this situation. There might be causes and conditions for the way that I feel, which may or may not be justified. This is just the way I feel right now. Feelings arise and disappear, I just accept and observe what is there right now.

I embrace all the wouldned childre inside who feel this overwhelm. I see you, I’m sorry I left you there all alone, and holding this “overwhelm”. Please come home, I love you. I’ll take care of you, cherish and protect you. I welcome you back to my family of selves.”

Spiritual Tapping Enneagram Type Two

Hearts Ablaze by Stacy Lynn Baum

This sequence is for Enneagram Type Twos who want to do deeper work on their personality issues. It’s been an especially tough one for me to write, maybe because as a Four, Two is my shadow & “missing piece”. I’m still not happy with it, but I reckon that those who are Twos can edit at will, and in fact I would be happy to hear from you, and add your statements to this so that others can benefit. Please tap daily for about 7 days, either morning or evening, making sure that in each day, you find some quiet time for yourself to do this. Leave it alone for 7 days, then look at these statements again. You may have some new insights or memories relevant to the development of your Enneagram Type. You can tap on these or ask me if you need help. If you are new to the Enneagram, EFT and tapping, please first refer to these sections: EFT Basics Tapping for Enneagram Types——————————————

1. Please start the tapping with the point under your left shoulder (Reset Button), do 3 rounds of the following statements.: “I am a caring soul, a loving person; it’s hard for me to recognise that I  have a basic fear of having no love in my life, of being unloved and unlovable, of finding no love in the world. I have a basic desire to FEEL love, to be at one with love, to be a source of love in the world, to make sure that there is love in the world. I live life in search of closeness, and maybe approval. Sometimes I feel the need to be loved, to express my feelings for others, to be needed and appreciated, to get others to respond to me, to vindicate my claims about myself. Sometimes I’d rather not admit, even to myself that I have needs. I’d be ashamed to have needs, other people can have needs, but not me. I am the one who’s suppose to give love, not receive it. I am afraid that my own needs and negative feelings will harm my relationships. I’d rather just stuff it, and feel resentful that my needs are not important. All my emotional upheaval, my longing, and upwelling is just my ego experiencing itself in my personality. BUT I am more than my ego, I am more than my personality, I am more than my emotions, I am more than my thoughts. I am life beyond boundaries. I deeply and completely love and accept myself, I forgive myself, and anyone else who contributed to this situation. In my heart of hearts, I know my essential nature, when I have intimacy with the truth of who I am. When I’m in touch with the depth of my being I experience only sweetness, innocence and love. Where there is sweetness, there is innocence, and I am bathing in the love of reality’s sweet embrace.”

2. Now just do normal tapping, also 3 rounds: These are the statements that reflect the emotions, and you can change or add as you feel. Just don’t do too many at one time or you might feel overwhelmed:

Sometimes I give love to get love and approval, or I pretend to give love to get love and approval Sometimes I feel like I have no needs, others have needs, but not me, I only give. Sometimes I struggle to get close to others but still feel unloved. Sometimes I need to be loved unconditionally by others and feel their love. Sometimes I need others to toally appreciate my affection and sacrifices. Sometimes I try to ‘well-meaning’ and make myself indispensable. Sometimes I wreck my own health by sacrificing myself for others. Sometimes I fear that the people I love will love someone else more than me. Sometimes I fear that I am taken for granted and not appreciated enough. Sometimes my value depends on someone loving me. sometimes I manipulate others with my love and deceive myself about my motivations. I have alienated the ones I love by being sanctimonious and high-handed. I have reacted in rage and belligerence, and hurt the very people I claim to love. I feel like I am driving people away. “I’ve been reaching outwards all the time, not in touch with the turmoil within. I’m looking for love and approval outside of myself. I’m ruining the relationships I have by not seeing that I have issues. I’ve disregarded the love that I have for the love that I thought I OUGHT to FEEL. I’ve thought “you’ve changed, you don’t love me the way you used to. You don’t appreciate the sacrifices I’ve made for you.” I’ve sulked and pouted and acted up like a petulant child, still identify myself as one who’s loving, empathetic and sincere. I now choose to acknowledge that I sometimes do not admit that I have needs and problems like other people. I am ashamed to admit I have needs. May be if I had needs, I would be unlovable. I choose to be in touch with my PRIDE and SHAME, and to experience that at the root of that are wounded children who need to be embraced. I now choose to recognise my true feelings about myself and about others, and to notice when I am projecting on others. My essential nature is LOVE and SWEETNESS. My true virtue is HUMILITY, because I am open to putting myself out there and saying that I have needs, I accept that I have needs. I now choose to allow my inner children to express themselves, the ones that I have pushed into the back because I didn’t want to feel hurt and unloved. I choose to embrace them so they can heal. And maybe I could let some one else help me to. May be this person is already showing me their love in their own way. I now choose to get in touch with my negative feelings, my shadow side, especially my aggression, anger, hatred, hurt, and SHAME. I become aware of myself as I really am – LIGHT and SHADOW. I deeply and completely, unconditionally and profoundly accept myself, ALL OF MYSELF. I choose to nurture myself and others, to be good to myself, and have goodwill for others. I now choose to know that working on myself, and ensuring that I am the best that I can be means that I can be FULLY here. I’ve been running on an empty tank for a long time. Now it’s time to put petrol in the car, so that I can be FULLY PRESENT to my life, available for my family. I appreciate myself for getting the help I need, and doing the work so that I can be at the highest expression of who I am.”

3. Now do 3 rounds of this affirmations to get in touch with your true nature:

“I now choose to release the conviction that there is anything I can do to earn, create or get love, I can only to open to love… Love Is. Unconditional Love. I choose to be in touch with sweetness, love…. compassion… sincerity…. intuition…. lightness…. humility…. blissful solitude…. stillness…. joy…. I choose to experience the STILLNESS, SWEETNESS and HUMILITY within.”

Adapted from the work of Don Riso and Russ Hudson of the Enneagram Institute

True Forgiveness is Freedom

Healing Tears

This was written for a client who needed help in achieving a true and lasting forgiveness  (as oppose to temporary suppression with the distinct certainty of lashing out on reflex). This can be used generally for when you find it hard to forgive and let go, and you care enough to want to.

If you are new to EFT and tapping please check the section on EFT Basics for the basic tapping technique. Please also include the karate chop point or the psychological reversal point as part of your routine. You may also want to repeat each paragraph once or twice  until you feel the intensity subside before moving on to the next one. Take it slow and let it work. Some of this is meant to be provocative, some of it is meant to inject humour in a tense situation. It may not work for everyone, please amend according to your own needs and nature. Good luck.

“I have so many conflicted thoughts about this issue. I don’t understand how  he/she could do this to me…… Parts of me want to forgive and move on, other parts of me want to bash his brains in and gorge his eyes out, may be swipe him with a tiger’s claw (well, you get the picture, use your own words)….. I acknowledge the hurt, anger, betrayal, hate, helplessness, bereavement, insecurity, alienation (add emotions that you feel) inside, there isn’t anyone I could tell this to, I am all alone. I embrace all the parts of me who are hurting, fearful and angry. I acknowledge that you all have a right to be here, and that the emotions you feel are valid. I embrace you, and thank you for carrying all my pain.

Parts of me feel justified in holding on to my anger, because my anger protects me, because I am entitled to my anger, because he deserves my anger. My anger gives me a high, letting go of my anger may mean that I only feel grief and fear, I don’t want to let my anger go. I am may be even enjoying my anger. I enjoy holding this over his/her head. I like the idea that I can swipe at him/her and take revenge whenever he/she least expects me. I have a right to swipe, and I like that. I thank my anger for wanting to protect me.

I acknowledge that there are all these conflicted emotions and thoughts within me, and it’s ok to be not ok. But there are other parts of me who want to be ready to move on, and leave the past in the past, parts of me who want to experience real forgiveness, so that the past does not taint my future, so that I can live anger-free / fear-free / grief-free / pain-free from this event, may be sometime today, may be sometime tomorrow. I ask my subconscious mind to find a few other ways for me to express my positive intention behind my anger/fear/grief/pain, so that I can be free of my anger/fear/grief/pain, and so that I can forgive and have true freedom to live my life without reference to this event/person.

I was hurt, but i now choose to heal my wounded children within, I now choose to be at the highest expression of who I am. I choose to be calm, confident, free and strong. I choose to be happy. I choose to be still. I choose peace.

I choose to truely forgive and release, because I choose freedom from this. True forgiveness is freedom.”

EFT for the Care Giver

If you are new to EFT and tapping please check the section on EFT Basics for the basic tapping technique.

When a loved one is ill, and you fear for their life, tap for calm so that you can transcend your fear. This is phrased to be slightly “provocative” and may not be for everyone. It acknowledges that sometimes we fear more for our loss, than the pain that our loved one is going through. Please feel free to amend according to your emotional needs.

“Even though it’s much easier to succumb to my habitual vortex of fear and dread, and I’m in a frenzy about loosing my mother, and beating myself up over being a bad daughter, I now choose to see that this is really a waste of energy. Even though I’d much rather indulge in my fear and drama, about the pain of seeing my mother suffer, than being of some use in this situation, I now choose to embrace my emotions, I deeply and completely love and accept where I am, I forgive myself, and anyone for contributing to this situation.

I now choose to embrace all that I feel and fear, and transmute them into loving kindness, into courage, into strength, into intelligence, so that I can be fully present to support my mom through her life’s journey. I now choose to gather all my wisdom and my life force, to generate in my heart positive intentions to support my mom through her hard times.

Even though I am still worried, because I am still human and I am a daughter who loves and needs her mother, I deeply and completely love and accept myself, I forgive myself. I choose to do the best I can, with the tools that I have at this time. I now choose to invoke a state of trust, of space, of solidity, stability, firmness, of ease to support myself and my mom.

Breathing in: Calm
Breathing out: Peace

Breathing in: Space
Breathing out: Ease
Breathing in: Smile ( I mean you smile)
Breathing out: Release”