Journey to the Dark Side

Dark Side of the Moon

We all have an identities we like to project. We become what we identify with – the “I am” – “I am responsible”, “I am kind”, I am ethical”, I am smart”, “I am successful”……. Then we have all that we reject – the “I-am-nots”. And the “I-am-nots” get pushed into the shadow. There they furtively exist, rejected, unacknowledged, denied, unlived.

Sometimes they slip out and add mystery to our ordered lives. The wise, from time to time, allow their dark side to show: the straight-lace accountant who has a weekend gig in a heavy metal band, the suburban housewife riding with a motor-cycle gang. For the most part the really bad stuff get pushed into the dark: festering, rejected, ashamed, furtive, craving, indecent – all that unconscious jealousy, greed, guilt, shame, anger, fear, defeat, hopeless despair……. There they influence our lives in unfathomable ways. Do you have impulses which are “not you”? Are there days where an uncontrollable anger takes you? Do you react in unsavory ways when under pressure? Do you have a secret life that you are hiding? Compulsive behavior and addiction? Mid-life transition, or mid-life crisis? You may have to journey to the dark side and do a little integration work.

Either we are in touch or we aren’t, but we all have dark sides. The dark side is a scary place when we are standing in the light. Our eyes play tricks on us and we fill up with fear. When we journey to our dark sides, they become illuminated. If we go arrive there without judgement, without fear and without presumptions, instead of an inner-demon, we notice a wounded child. When we heal our wounded children, we are suddenly less fettered to our identity, our personality, our ego.

Suddenly we become less bound by our habitual “I-am”, because we discover that I am many things in different contexts at the same time. “I-am-not” is part of “I-am”. In the end, perhaps, “I-just-am”. But if we don’t also know the dark, we will never really relax to the light.

P.S. Also see The Hero’s Journey: Descending into the Underworld.

Healing the Wounded Children – Integration

When we suffer as children, sometimes we don’t know how to handle the situation. As a result, the child pushes away the emotion and sometimes even the memory of the event. We disown parts of ourselves that we don’t know what to do with. These unconscious parts of our influence us in ways that we are not aware of. We end up behaving in ways which are not congruent with our conscious mind. Many times it exhibits as self sabotage behavior or repeated patterns.

We normally do not know that there is this particular wounded child to be integrated. One way to tell is to examine the negative events in childhood that appear in your mind most. Sometimes it is completely under your radar, and it takes a skilled practitioner to uncover these issues. Integration may also be used for archetype and shadow work.

To resolve these issues, first we address the triggering event in the normal way. Then we do a parts integration as follows.

Visualize your little child-self, the wounded child who suffered (in your event) in your left hand, the adult self in your right hand.

The adult says to the child:
“I see you. I’m sorry you were all alone holding all my pain (or anxiety, loneliness etc.) all these years.
Because you were holding my pain, I could be sane and whole, I could function in the world.
So I thank you and honour you. Now there’s no need to be all alone, Please come back into the family of selves.
From now on, I will take care of you, love, cherish and protect you. I will keep you safe and help you thrive in the world.
I welcome you back into my family of selves.”

If the child seems receptive, put your left hand into your right hand. Keep your hands together for 5 to 10 seconds. Then hug your upper arms, as if you are hugging your child. Listen to the child and hold her until she feels ‘done’.

Resistance
If the child isn’t receptive, give her a little time, sometimes that’s all she needs. If she’s angry with you, or doesn’t trust you, “why should I believe you now, where were you all these years?”, then as the adult you say:
“I understand how you feel. I would feel like that too if I were you. I’m really sorry. I didn’t even know you were there. But now that I do, I want to make it up to you, please come home, you are an important part of me. Let me take care of you. You don’t have to be all alone anymore, please come home”
Continue in this trend and keep giving her adequate time to decide on her own to come back.

When she feels ready. Put your left hand into your right hand, say:
“I welcome you back to my family of selves. Thank you for coming back.”
Keep your hands together for 5 to 10 seconds. Then hug your upper arms, as if you are hugging your child. Listen to the child and hold her until she feels ‘done’.

Testimonial: Siewfan does not tell you what you want to hear

24 April 2010

Siewfan does not tell you what you want to hear.

She dives into your issues,
to put you back in touch with who you really need to listen to –
the voice in the deepest part of you.

Firm, compassionate, tenaciously thorough, she helps you identify the root causes of your physical, emotional, psychological symptoms and conditions.
Sharing generously of her expertise and experience, she equips you with a powerful arsenal of tools to enable you to take charge of your process.

Her unique multi-dimensional approach to healing on every level works.
This is my testament.

I have spent years strait-jacket by my limiting beliefs,
sleep-walking through an existence.
I have skated the surface of my problems,
ran from one treatment to the next, one health care provider to another.

Sessions with Siewfan changed that.

She has put me in a position to dig deep,
to unlock my inner wisdom,
and to acknowledge and accept the power and beauty of my true being.

Now, I am free to be me. Laughing, loving, learning, I choose to live full, live deep.

?

Felicia,
Legal counsel.

Surviving Mid Life Transition

The problem with cliches, is that they are horribly trite but generally true. Such is the dreaded mid life transition, usually labelled mid life crisis. I remember thinking, when I was 17, that life was generally over when one gets past 30. Then my 30s rolled around, and I liked that decade better than my 20s. Then came my 40s, and I liked that better than my 30s.

But then something morphed. A deep unseating, dislodging, unhinging. We journey into that long dark night of the soul. The ego is built up in the first parts of our lives. Then mid-life rolls around, and we begin that process of painful dismantling, uncomfortable realisations. We ditch things that no longer work for us: jobs, relationships, self-image.

Misery, confusion, frustration, struggle…. these are all going to be there. Like it or not, it will be more painful, or less painful, but pain is going to be there. On a scale of one to ten, it is generally at least a level six in terms of intensity.

The thing is to allow and embrace the changes (eventually) and be in touch with the unfolding of our own inner wisdom. Easier said than done. One needs direction. One needs context. One needs techniques.

Would anyone be interested to explore this issue? Drop me some comments please.

Oh, and here are some snippets from my journey.

There is nothing like looking, if you want to find something. You certainly usually find something, if you look, but it is not always quite the something you were after. – J.R.R Tolkien

Testimonial: Blossoming of Romance

“I met Siewfan to solve a personal issue which was affecting my relationship. Only after meeting her did I realise that the roots of the personal issues were much deep within my personality, upbringing and the societal norms. By working with her, one step at a time – I was able to see past all the layers and reach the core and solve it. And within 2 weeks my relationship blossomed.

After that I have seen her for my spiritual development and each time it has immensely helped me. She was able to connect with my guides effortlessly and point me in the right direction of a major milestone of my life. Had it not been done, I would have taken a very wrong path. But thanks to her, I got the warnings before hand.

Now she has become an integral part of my spiritual development process and I thank my lucky stars that I was brought to her” Rahul Jain, Entrepreneur