When we suffer as children, sometimes we don’t know how to handle the situation. As a result, the child pushes away the emotion and sometimes even the memory of the event. We disown parts of ourselves that we don’t know what to do with. These unconscious parts of our influence us in ways that we are not aware of. We end up behaving in ways which are not congruent with our conscious mind. Many times it exhibits as self sabotage behavior or repeated patterns.
We normally do not know that there is this particular wounded child to be integrated. One way to tell is to examine the negative events in childhood that appear in your mind most. Sometimes it is completely under your radar, and it takes a skilled practitioner to uncover these issues. Integration may also be used for archetype and shadow work.
To resolve these issues, first we address the triggering event in the normal way. Then we do a parts integration as follows.
Visualize your little child-self, the wounded child who suffered (in your event) in your left hand, the adult self in your right hand.
The adult says to the child:
“I see you. I’m sorry you were all alone holding all my pain (or anxiety, loneliness etc.) all these years.
Because you were holding my pain, I could be sane and whole, I could function in the world.
So I thank you and honour you. Now there’s no need to be all alone, Please come back into the family of selves.
From now on, I will take care of you, love, cherish and protect you. I will keep you safe and help you thrive in the world.
I welcome you back into my family of selves.”
If the child seems receptive, put your left hand into your right hand. Keep your hands together for 5 to 10 seconds. Then hug your upper arms, as if you are hugging your child. Listen to the child and hold her until she feels ‘done’.
If the child isn’t receptive, give her a little time, sometimes that’s all she needs. If she’s angry with you, or doesn’t trust you, “why should I believe you now, where were you all these years?”, then as the adult you say:
“I understand how you feel. I would feel like that too if I were you. I’m really sorry. I didn’t even know you were there. But now that I do, I want to make it up to you, please come home, you are an important part of me. Let me take care of you. You don’t have to be all alone anymore, please come home”
Continue in this trend and keep giving her adequate time to decide on her own to come back.
When she feels ready. Put your left hand into your right hand, say:
“I welcome you back to my family of selves. Thank you for coming back.”
Keep your hands together for 5 to 10 seconds. Then hug your upper arms, as if you are hugging your child. Listen to the child and hold her until she feels ‘done’.